A Gracefull Place

Rain is pouring outside (which we need, and I’m not going to complain–I’m not facing a major hurricane strike!), and things are a bit topsy turvy around here!  To give you a realistic picture of my life, there are two baskets heaped to overflowing of towels needing to be folded, Duplo blocks scattered all over the floor behind me, Lincoln Logs scattered in the "library" (our former dining room), books and other sundry toys are scattered in the living room, and upstairs, well, things are really a mess!  Four girls moving into rooms, lots of stuff on the stairway and landings, sweeper in the way……but it will look nice when it’s all DONE!

 

I really should be more diligent and get this all cleaned up….and believe me, it will!  I should take pictures….before and after.  We’re watching "The Pirates of Penzance" tonight!  They’ve seen it before, the movie version, but this is the play version performed at Central Park.   Anyway, they want to watch it REALLY badly, so guess what I will use as leverage?!

 

What’s on my heart is "school" themed.  After all, it’s back-to-school time (or was–school sure starts earlier and earlier!), and we have sort of "started", although not quite the way I had planned!

 

We are very relaxed homeschoolers.  I really don’t like using the term "unschooling" (not that I have a problem with those who use that term–I actually learn a lot from their websites/blogs!), but I sometimes don’t even like to describe myself using the term "school" at all.  For the sake of simplicity, I use it, but I like "Real Life Learning" better!  Life offers such a vast array for "curriculum", that I don’t really need to plan out a hefty academic agenda for everyone.  If I do (and I have in the past), God just gets me out of the way to show me His plans!

 

I have said for several years that we focus on the 3 Rs—but it’s not "readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic".  It’s "relationships, relationships, and relationships"!

 

The first R?   My relationship with God.  He truly must be the main reason I do anything, but especially teach my children.  If I don’t keep my focus constantly on Him, it’s too easy to let my agenda take over and then expect Him to come along and bless it for me.   (um…..guilty!   )     What is the most important thing in life?  My relationship with Him.  If I don’t have a vital, living love relationship with Jesus, then I am a "dry well" trying to impart just the "dust" to my family and those around me.   Psalm 78:72 says, "So he fed them according to the integrity of his heart; and guided them by the skillfulness of his hands."  I have to have something in my heart to feed them with!   So I want it to be overflowing with….Jesus!

 

The second R–my relationship with my husband.  After all, without him, I wouldn’t have these dear children to home educate!   It is just too easy for us to neglect this relationship (not purposefully, of course!) due to the many demands homemaking, child training, and child caring take–then we add homeschooling on top of it all!  I must keep my relationship with Dallas a priority.  That doesn’t mean make sure we have date nights (as much as I love them!), but make sure we make time to really talk beyond the more superficial things of our lives.  We might not have a set time to "talk" about those things, but when it comes, we take it!  And if it’s been awhile, we joke that it’s "jacuzzi time"–totally uninterrupted time!     Seriously, for me it’s even more than our "talk time"–it’s my attitude (is it to bless and encourage him?  Do all I can to make him and his home successful?  Ordering my life and our home to benefit him?), my respect towards him in how I take care of his needs and his home.   He doesn’t expect "House Beautiful" (thank goodness!), but he has certain things that are important to him.  Dusting is not high on the list.  So dusting is after the more important things!  Your husband may have a different set of items on his list of "if I can only get a few things done, what means the most to you?"   If you never thought about it, ask him.  It will free you tremendously!

 

This also affects our "schooling".  I am the main "teacher", if you will.  I do a lot of reading and researching about things (sometimes too much!), and share with him.  He is my sounding board, my rock, my guide.  I’ll run something by him, and watch and wait for his opinion.  My husband is a Mr. Steady, and I’ve learned how to "listen" to him.  He will not come out with the power point slide presentations and syllabus for me to take notes in!  The more I learn to "read" him and follow the direction he gives, the easier it gets.  And it’s amazing how his ideas work, even when my "common sense" wonders if he knows what he’s talking about!  It’s usually my "common sense" that doesn’t work!  Just like God–obey first, then you’ll understand!  Do I follow what my husband tells me, no matter what others might think, no matter if it seems opposite of what I think or think I know?  It has taken more than half of our 25 years of marriage for me to learn this, and I’m still learning!  When I in my pride think I’m so spiritual and know so much (true confessions here), I usually fall flat on my face!   When I humbly consider and try his suggestions–even if they don’t seem to work at first, it’s easier to go back and ask for more help than if I decided I was right and things fizzled!

 

The third R is…… of course, my relationship to my children.  Only after the first two Rs are in place can this one be in its rightful place as well.  If either of the other relationships are at odds, this one will soon be as well.   This is truly the heart of our home education and why I call it "Real Life Learning"–because it’s all about the relationships, not knowledge.

 

Isn’t our "knowledge" of God like that?  Ephesians 1:17-18:  "That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him:  the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of His calling, and what the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints."

 

And Ephesians 3:19:  "And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God."

If we know the love of Christ, not worldly knowledge, then we can be filled with God’s fullness!

 

Truly the most important thing I can impart to my children is a love for their Savior.  I can’t make them be saved, but I can train, point the way, guide, "salt the oats", and most importantly, model what I want them to be.  I’m not perfect!  FAR from it!  But I must be willing to be what I want them to be.

 

Many times I meet people who love my girls, especially the older ones, and they want their daughters to be like them.   I have started telling them that they must be what they want their daughters to be.  You have to be willing to spend the time.  You can’t be a part of this or that and run, run, run, have lots of "friends", and expect that their hearts will be turned towards family and home.  Don’t get me wrong–my daughters have many wonderful friends!  But my mantra throughout the years has been, "If you can’t get along with each other, you have no business having friends outside the family!  We’re not going to export bad behavior and attitudes to other children!"   We are "best friends".   We enjoy each other immensely.  We actually are loving this time of "quarantine" because it had made us slow down and have a good excuse to bow out of the busyness.  And even too much time with "wonderful" friends can backfire!  (That goes both ways–my children can corrupt others just as easily as others can corrupt us!) 

 

My personal belief, borne out of what I have seen over my 16+ years of homeschooling, is that when these "3 Rs" are in place, working as well as we imperfect beings can do, the "academic 3 Rs" will fall in place.   Oh, my children won’t know everything (neither would they if they only focused on academics 24/7), but they will know the most important things:  how to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength;  how to love their daddy and me, which will prepare them for someday loving a spouse;  how to love each other, "patiently bearing the faults of others" (Colossians 1:11), how to respond lovingly to younger siblings, being a gentle servant leader (which will prepare them to be a loving, gentle servant leading parent someday). 

 

All this forms a true "well-rounded" education that nothing else can or will.  I had a nice, well-rounded education, did well in the system, even becoming valedictorian of my high school class.  I had a well-rounded college education (until I quit!  ), even getting to spend my junior year abroad.  I went to a state school, an international school and a Christian college, so that makes the rounds pretty well!  BUT–none of that prepared me for the most important jobs in the world–how to be a loving, Godly, submissive and servant hearted wife; how to be a loving, selfless, serving mommy; how to manage my home, "looking well to the ways of (my) household" (Proverbs 31:27).  (And let me tell you, it is not a job "any dummy can do" that "takes no brains", nor is it a job for the faint-hearted!)

 

My husband and I have chosen to give our children a true well-rounded education, making them into Godly young people and someday, Lord willing (and Lord helping!), Godly spouses and parents ruling their own homes well.  THEN they can be an asset to the community and the nation.  

 

Academics?  Yes, they have their place, but my experience has been to give them the Most Important 3 Rs, then the basics, don’t kill their love of learning–then they can learn anything they need to, filling in any "gaps" that I leave.   Part of this character training is teaching them that it doesn’t all depend upon me creating a 4 year plan and making sure we have all the books/tests/workbooks/lab equipment/etc. to fulfill it.  It means they become responsible for their education, and they can figure out what things they need and how to get them.   They learn it faster, more passionately, and it sticks with them longer than all the "important stuff" I learned as a "well-rounded student" 25+ years ago!

 

The more I focus on the relationship 3 Rs, and the more I get out of the way "educationally", depending upon God (for it doesn’t "all" depend upon me, but upon me depending upon God), the more I see His hand, His leading, and the beautiful tapestry He is weaving out of our lives as we place ourselves in His hands, letting Him fulfill the plan He has for our family.

 

And it is truly becoming something beautiful to behold!   I didn’t do it;  God did.  My part was to yield to Him and get out of His way, letting go of my ideas to allow Him to bring about His.

 

I pray this blesses you, especially you "homeschooling" mommies, whether of one or many, whether of all littles or all over the age map like me.  Veterans and newbies alike, I would encourage you to focus on the true 3 Rs–well, four. 

 

The fourth?

 

Rest in God!

 

Blessings to you as you seek His will in your family’s journey,

 

 

 

This entry was posted on Friday, September 12th, 2008 at 3:41 pm and is filed under Real Life Learning. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.