A Gracefull Place

I feel as if I’m in the calm before the storm!   So far today, one daughter was feeling pretty yucky with a fever, a few more were warm, and yet a few more had headaches.  We’ll see in the next 24-48 hours whether some, none or all get chicken pox!

I’m armed with a new thermometer, vitamins, herbs….I’ve written out what everyone should be taking to boost their immune system and we have Aveeno, lavender oil and oatmeal for baths!  I’m not going down without a fight! 

Today’s crisis has made my usual routine for this day a bit different.  Usually on this day, I buy a carnation, then visit the cemetery.

I did visit the cemetery for a few moments.   There’s a heart shaped stone there, with the name of our first son on it.  He was born 18 years ago yesterday, but he had already gone to be with the Lord a few days sooner.  Up until 4 years ago, (when my husband had his serious accident), it was the hardest thing I had ever gone through.  Yet the Lord saw me through, as He has so faithfully seen me through many things since, great and small.

I distinctly remember coming out of the funeral home and feeling like I was going to collapse.   A dear, dear man of God, Brother Bob Boggs came up to me.  Here was a man who had known sorrow and suffering as companions!  He had lost his only son in an accident, then later a married daughter to cancer.  His dear wife was in the nursing home with Alzheimers, yet he moved near her and loved and cherished her until the day she died.  When he came up to me, he said, "The Lord strengthen you!"   Immediately I felt just that–the Lord’s strength!  

It was so hard–our first son (we’d had two beautiful daughters before him), the first grandson on my side, and the first grandson to "carry the family name" on my husband’s side, which really meant a lot to my father-in-law.  God certainly carried me through that time.   And I definitely had my questioning times.  I’ve told people it was more of an open handed "why?"  than a demanding fisted why.  Through it all, I ultimately knew I could trust the infinite wisdom of my Heavenly Father.   I spend a lot of time at the cemetery those first weeks.  Healing.   Not just for him, but for the 6 miscarriages that were before him.  Then as healing became more complete, I just don’t need to go there much anymore.

But there will always be that little hole in our family. 

Of course I wonder what he would be like now, practically a man.  I do know he’d be with his daddy, learning about construction! 

His being in Heaven made it all the sweeter–I have "treasure" there, now.  Actually, I have 13 treasures there!  We’ve had 12 miscarriages, as well.  Dallas and I went to see a play several years ago called "Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames".  One scenario was a family on their way home from church, rejoicing that the youngest daughter had accepted Christ.  The mother started weeping, remembering a dear little daughter that had gone on to be with Jesus, and the father comforted her, saying, "Just think, we’ll all be together forever!"  Then they had an "accident" and found themselves standing before Heaven’s gates.   They jumped up and down shouting "We made it!  We made it!" 

During this play, whenever a believer "died", Jesus would come out and welcome them with a hug.   This time, He held up his hand and motioned for someone to come out with Him–it was their little daughter!  Oh, what joy and rejoicing at that reunion!   Dallas and I held each other, crying and saying, "Just think!  That’s what it will be like for us!  Only what a ‘Welcome Home’ committee we’ll have!!!"   Of course we want to see Jesus most of all!  After all, it’s because of Him we can be all together for eternity!

We talked of whether we would ever use the name "Noah" again.  Not for the next boy, Dallas said.  Little did we know the "next boy" would come 14 years later!  Still, I was surprised when Dallas wanted to use the name Noah.   So from early in the pregnancy, Noah’s name was chosen!   Noah Ross means "Comfort in Victory".   We chose Noah Isaac, "Comfort in Laughter".  It was funny to think of a boy after 7 girls, and after 14 years!   What I didn’t know, is I would laugh in God’s timing of Noah’s birth, and in His provision for us during a difficult time after Dallas’ serious truck accident (just 3 weeks before Noah Isaac’s birth!).   And he was a "comfort" to me during that time, too!

Two years later, we were again blessed with a boy!   I joked with Dallas he better name this one after him, since I was 44 at the time and you just never know!  (I’d gladly take more, by the way!).  Yet we thought it would be sweet to use Noah  Ross’ middle name (which is also one of my grandpas’ names!).  So we did.   Both boys have a part of his name.  They don’t replace their older brother.   But short as his life was here on earth, his memory lives on.  

Someday, the boys will go with me to the cemetery, and they’ll understand they have an older brother who has gone on to Heaven before us.   And they’ll know how grateful I am that Jesus died to save us, to comfort us in our sorrows, to help us in our trials, and to take us Home to be with Him forever.   What precious promises!

I had sang a song at church just 3 weeks before Noah Ross’ death.  During the long labor, the chorus went through my head over and over.  I knew I had to sing that song at Noah’s "dedication" service–his funeral.   It was just as much a dedication, though–after all, a baby dedication is "giving them back to God"–in this case, God had chosen to take him.  I was "giving him back" in my heart.

With God’s help, I did sing that song.   And 17 years later my older girls and I sang it by my dad’s casket just before we left, the last ones to go.   Here are the verses and chorus to "When We See Christ".  I pray it will minister to you, today, whatever your trial may be.

Trisch

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oftimes the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,

We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;

But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,

All tears forever over, in God’s eternal day.

Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,

We’re tossed and driven on, no human help in sight;

But there is One in Heav’n Who knows our deepest care,

Let Jesus solve your problem–just go to Him in pray’r.

Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past,

We’ll cross the great divide to Glory, safe at last;

We’ll share the joys of Heav’n–a harp, a home, a crown,

The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,

Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,

So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

Today our 6th daughter (and 6th child!) was baptized.   Our church meets at a nursing home, so baptisms are at the pastor’s home on a private lake.  As she came up out of the water,  3 John 4 came to mind, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."    Of course, this isn’t an ending, but a beginning.  She will need to continue that walk throughout her life. 

It seems just a short time ago, she was our chubby Bekah-D-Boo!  She was my largest baby weighing in at 11 lbs. 4 oz!  (Well, so far!  Hopefully she will keep that record!)  When we would ask her, "Where’s your chubby leggies?"  She’d grin and hold up one of her chubby thighs!

Now she’s 9, and growing up to be quite a good helper–we call her our good little mommy!   I’m so very grateful to be able to home educate, making God and His Word a priority in our "school" as well as just focusing on our relationship with Him.  After all, it isn’t church, it isn’t dutifully having devotions or even prayer that makes us holy—it’s having a living, vital relationship with Him–which may come through the aforementioned things, but don’t mistake "doing this or that" for a relationship with Him!  After all, I know my husband wouldn’t be too thrilled if I thought having a relationship with him was just reading his letters, making sure his clothes are clean and he has good meals, even talking to him, but never really connecting hearts with him!

So I pray that I model for and train Bekah, pointing her to her loving Bridegroom Who has wooed her to Himself, to find in Him her all in all.

I love you, Bekah, and am so grateful for your decision!

Love,

Mommy

I really need to catch things up here, but I at least wanted to let anyone know that my daughters are blogging now!  Seven Sisters Blog is up and running!  You can find them in my friends section under "farmgirls".  

I can count it as language arts, computer skills, internet skills, communications skills, family harmony skills, democratic skills (deciding on names, how they were going to do it and all that!), character building (you know, learning patience while a sister types and you’re itching to type your part!).   I think I can maybe get most of my core skills in here!  I might even be able to figure math in there somehow…..counting minutes until it’s your turn?!

Hopefully they can keep up better than me–there’s seven of them!

Have fun visiting them!

Trisch

Tomorrow we will bury my dad’s cremains.  He passed into glory October 18 of last year.    It has been a time of mixed emotions–sadness to no longer have him with us, happiness that he is with his Savior and now is whole in mind and body, no longer suffering the ravages of a brain disease. 

It’s hard, though, because I begin a new chapter in my life.

Role reversal.  Sandwich Generation.  You know, when the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child.

We are helping my mom go through almost 50 years of stuff.  (They would have been married 50 years this September.)   Going through 32 years of living in the same house, the house I finished growing up in.  It all became more real last week as we started actually clearing out closets and taking a few things off the walls.   This is it.   She will be selling the house and moving to a senior living apartment complex just 1/4 of a mile from me.  She can literally look out her windows and see our barn!  We can better take care of her there, yet she still has "her space", a little independence.

But it will certainly be different.

Each time I go over to Mom’s, I realize my days of going into that house are numbered.  Sometimes I can’t think about it too much, or I’ll get weepy, and Mom doesn’t need that right now!  I try to save that for when I get home.

The jacuzzi is becoming my friend!  (Yeah!  Our Master Suite is finished! )  Cheaper than therapy, I say!    

When we cleared out a closet yesterday, we found, of all things, the old sunlamp I used when I was in high school!   I remember lying on Mom’s bed, special goggles on to protect my eyes (and glad no one could see me!   ) hoping this thing would help clear up my acne I had so badly on my face, chest and back.  Well, you had to be so far from the silly thing, I don’t think it did a bit of good!  Didn’t get a tan, either!  

And we found my uncle’s silver trombone–well, a tarnished silver, now!  My girls are having a blast (literally!) playing that thing!  To think that these sweet string players would go around blasting a  trombone!  The neighbors must be thrilled! 

We found stuff from when my dad worked at a trailer factory almost 40 years ago!  Mom’s old dentures (she claimed they were Dad’s, but her name was on them!)   A straw bag I got them from San Luis Potosi, Mexico, when I spent a summer down there on a study program.   We were trying to figure out what SLP on it meant.   And there was this UGLY disk thing inside–once I realized it was one of those Aztec looking relic wanna-be’s, it all clicked!   If you wonder why I didn’t remember buying it, this was almost 30 years ago!   But I don’t feel that old!   

Life just goes by so quickly now.  I hardly have time to breathe sometimes.  Yet I want to savor as much as I can going through this stage.  It’s always easy to want to be on the "other side" of a stage–be it the "terrible two’s" with a toddler, sickness during a pregnancy, trying to get division facts through a child’s head, broken  bones (head injuries, anyone?!–that’s another blog!), or parents’ health problems–or going through years and years of memories–sometimes we just want to be done with it.

And yet, it’s during these times that we learn our best lessons.  When God becomes a close friend and very real.  When we learn that we can’t  "do it all", neither should we try.  When we realize we’re not as invincible as we thought we were, nor do we know as much as we thought we did.  When we know for sure that nothing depends on us, but on us depending upon HIM!

As hard as it is, I will embrace this time.  And although, to be honest, I’d rather not be in this place right now, it’s where God has me.  By His grace, I will walk through, knowing my Best Friend is right beside me, guiding me, holding my hand every step of the way.

I love this quote by Andrew Murray:

    "First, He brought me here, it is by His will I am in this strait place:  in that fact I will rest. 

     Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace to behave as His child.

     Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.

     Last, in His good time He can bring me out again–how and when He knows.

     Let me say I am here,

          1) By God’s appointment,

          2) In His keeping,

          3) Under His training,

          4) For His time."

May I ever remember this.  Nothing is for nothing!  Another beautiful quote by Corrie ten Boom:

 "Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our life, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see."

Lord, make me faithful to learn the lessons You have for me, behaving myself wisely as Your child, and may I allow You to mold me and make me, preparing me for the beautiful future I cannot see, by submitting to the hard times of today.

Blessings to you!

Trisch

"It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…in our house today…."

Okay, so that’s not how the original song goes!  It’s our version!

We stayed up until midnight last night–decided to get it done!   I should say we as in my oldest five daughters and me!    It was a lot of fun!   Last year I didn’t do as much–hardly anything since I was recuperating from a c-section (who said 6 weeks is enough time?!).   So it was good to be able to be a part of it this year.   I usually do the piano–my oldest says she remembers when I wouldn’t let anyone else do it–that way if anthing got broken it was my own fault!

The only thing left is for me to put out the nativity that was my grandma’s.  That’s the current "no one else can touch it" decorating!   I remember as a child being allowed to play with it carefully as long as I didn’t take it off the desk it was set upon.   You wind up a little music box and it plays Silent Night.  I still remember winding it up and just looking reverently at all the figures.  My grandma was a big influence in my life that helped to lead me to Christ as my Savior.  I’m sure she prayed many a prayer for me!

As I was decorating last night, I dusted the pie safe.  It hadn’t been dusted in a l-o-n-g time!  Dusting is not high on our priority list!  But as I was rearranging things there and they would definitely show where they’d been sitting for months, I dusted.   My dad’s glasses are there, and I cleaned them off….and remembered Mom cleaning them just a few days before Dad died (he passed away in October).   He was pretty unresponsive to us by that time, but she picked them up and said, "I better clean these for him–he might need them tomorrow." I think we both knew, but it was such a sweet gesture.  Of course, the memory of it made me cry.   "Firsts" without a dear loved one are always hard–this is my first Christmas without a parent.   Dad’s birthday is Sunday, too.   As I sat in a chair in the living room, I remembered the family Christmases we had there, or when Dad and Mom came over and brought the oldest two girls’ presents on that Christmas day 15 years ago–a Little Tykes Dollhouse (that we still have!).  Dad loved to watch the kids open their presents.    He would also come the morning of December 24 and have biscuits and gravy and fried apples with us to celebrate my oldest daughter’s birthday (almost 21 years old!).    As I sat in the chair I saw the ornament that had brought tears to my eyes when we put up the tree a few weeks ago–a gold ornament with a hand painted Florida White rabbit on it.  Dad and Mom quit having a tree a long time ago, so when Dad got this ornament for winning at one of the rabbit shows, he gave it to us.   I don’t think I appreciated it at the time, but it’s precious now.  It even has his name on it:  BOB!   (Okay, so I know that BOB stands for Best Of Breed, but still, it’s his name, too!)

It’s hard closing this chapter of my life where my parents have been the driving force of family traditions and dinners.   But we open a new one–looking ahead to when all the "kids come home" to celebrate.   The older girls like to decorate and rearrange their rooms, letting no one else in until the big "showing".  They light candles, turn on Christmas lights and we all file in and go "oooh!"  and "aaaahhhh!" looking at each nook and cranny where they’ve tucked neat things and admiring their creativity.   One of the girls last night said, "You know how we like to decorate our rooms and then show them off?  Well, when we’re married, we can decorate our houses, then have everyone come over to show them off!  And we can have tea and cookies afterwards!"    I like that idea!

Traditions.   Family.   Memories.   And yes, sometimes, even tears.   It’s all a part of life.   Even in our bittersweet remembrances, though, is the hope of all being together again.   This time forever!   And it’s all because of the Baby Whose birth we celebrate.

Trisch

P.S.   Here’s a quote by Crystal Paine that has really spoken to me, especially with all that’s happened recently:

"Don’t let another priceless moment slip through your fingers because
you are ‘too busy’. While you have the time, take the time."