A Gracefull Place

Since I will be gone tomorrow, I thought I’d post a day early!

 

 

This week is going to be geared more for you mommies of littles!  I remember years ago reading in Mary Pride’s "Help for Growing Families" newsletter, a mom of older children say, "A 6 year old that can set the table is great—but a 13 year old that can single-handedly clean the bathroom is worth her weight in gold!"

 

AMEN!

 

 

But–you can’t wait until they’re 13 to teach them to help!  In fact, if you have not been training them in servanthood all along, you will not reap the harvest later!

 

 

LET them "help" now.  Yes, even as 1 1/2 and 3 year olds!   They can "help" you do dishes–yes, I know, they make more of a mess than if they didn’t help!  But that way you can clean the fronts of the cupboards and mop the floor, too! 

 

 

 

Just an attitude of "I like you and I want you around" can go soooo far in training them!  As you delight in them, they will want even more to help and please you and be around you.  They will like helping and you establish a bonding during this time.

 

 

I’ll let you in on a hard-earned secret—many "experts" are saying this, but remember–when I started out there wasn’t the internet nor the plethora of voices you have today!

 

 

"Chores" are more for building relationships and training character than for getting things done!   (You knew I was going to bring this back around to relationships, didn’t you!    )   In fact, I remember a quote by Marilyn  Howshall:

 

"Character training adds time to every duty, and every duty must stop for character training."

I know it’s hard when you have supper to fix, laundry to keep up, baby to nurse, toddler to feed…..but you must, must, must take this to heart.

 

 

So, now you ask, HOW?!

 

 

One thing I remember doing when my four oldest were small, was asking my husband what top three things he wanted done each day.   That gave me direction when "life" happened and I didn’t know what my #1 priority was!!!  They all screamed for attention!

 

For my husband, it was dishes done (or at least not piled to the ceiling!), laundry done (he didn’t mind helping with laundry, but not if he had to transfer everything just to get a load in!), and the house picked up enough he didn’t need a scoop shovel to get through!  He wasn’t expecting pristine conditions–just a general pick up.

 

Now, your littles can help you sort laundry and put it in the wash, then transfer to the dryer or help you hang things out.  Or play nearby while you hang them out.   They can help wash dishes, put some away (silverware has always been a favorite among my littles!), and can set the table, too.  They can obviously help pick things up.  In fact, you could have a "Daddy Blessing Time" when a half hour before Daddy is due home, you can set the timer and "race" to get things picked up and nice for Daddy!  This helps build excitement, honor and love for your husband as your children see you want to make things nice for Daddy’s homecoming.  And you know what?  It will help your flagging energy and attitude, too!

 

 

Also take time to read to your little ones.  We can get sooooo busy with the homekeeping chores that we keep putting off these things.  I wish I had taken more time to read aloud than I did.  Those things that scream for your attention will still be there.  Trust me!  It never "all" gets "done"!!!!   There is an article I read years ago called "The Tyrany of the Urgent".  It is worth a read!   We must daily choose between the "urgent" and the "important".  The "good" and the "best".   Mike Bickle talks of burnout–that it isn’t doing too much, but "doing" in power of the flesh and not the power of the Spirit.   I fear we mamas are far more guilty of that than we realize!

 

 

It takes constantly looking into His face (yes, between diapers and dishes!), continuing to look up and ask Him, "What do YOU want me to do, today, Lord?  What are YOUR priorities for me?"

 

 

Often it is just doing the "next thing", but don’t crowd out snuggles, cuddles, giggles and read-alouds!

 

 

Have a "tea party" with your little daughter while her baby brother is sleeping.

 

 

Help your 3 year old budding engineer build the train system of his dreams while his baby sister is napping or safe nearby in her bouncy seat.

 

 

Yes, I know.  Naptime is "your" time to get things done.  I’m not saying do this every day.  But once a week or two, you can forego your agenda to build memories and relationships with your little ones.

 

 

I think you’ll find them more willing helpers when they see mama takes time to play sometimes, too!

 

 

Even just coloring a page in their colorbook with them can mean so much!   And listening to their sweet chatter.   Believe me, young mama–before you blink twice, they will be grown and you will yearn to color beside them and hear that sweet nonsense chatter just once more!

 

 

One last piece of practical advice–get your "servants" going!   My husband bought me a bread machine one year, a food processor another.   His co-workers said, "Nothing with a cord on it counts for a present for your wife!"  To which he responded, "You don’t know my wife!"  

 

 

These "servants" can help you in your homemaking greatly!  Probably THE NUMBER ONE "servant" you must have is the crock pot.  There are so many good cookbooks out there with good meal ideas using the crock pot.   Please make use of this wonderful servant to help you get at least one area under control!  

 

 

Oh, and something else I read in Feed Your Family for $12 a Day   is to split your dinner preparation up.   The author did 15 minutes in the morning, then 15-30 minutes before supper.   That can help greatly if dinner is on its way before the "suicide hour"!  

 

 

Now one last piece of "relational" advice!   Take time to nourish your own spirit.  Even if you have to catch it in "snippets" here and there, read devotional books and articles that encourage you and lift your spirit.  NOT the ones making you feel like a failure!  Or giving you 20 more things you "should" be doing!  ACK!

 

 

Here’s a GREAT place to start:  Laine’s Letters.   I love Laine!   You could print a few off at a time, and either read one while little ones are napping, or before bed (if you’re a night owl!), or just whenever you can catch a few minutes.   They are very good and encouraging! 

 

 

I hope this week’s Fabulous Family Friday has been an encouragement!   And if there are specific areas you would like to know more about, please feel free to either comment and ask or e-mail me.  I don’t pretend to have arrived, nor to know all the answers, but if I can help, I would gladly do so!  

 

 

HUGS to you, young mamas!  Enjoy them as much as you can!

 

 

 

 

I’m starting something new!

 

I remember years ago asking a Godly older lady in our church, who had every single one of her 33 descendants at that time (children and spouses, grandchildren and spouses, and great-grandchildren) professing to be Christians, and many were serving the Lord.

 

I asked her her secret!

 

Her answer?

 

A humble, slightly embarrassed, "Oh, I don’t know!  I just trusted the Lord a lot!"

 

I was disappointed!  I wanted seminar notes!  I wanted the syllabus!  I mean, this lady was proven successful!!!! 

 

I determined that if I had that glorious fruit, I would make sure I wrote down "what I did" so I could someday help young moms!

 

 

Now here I am…NOT a grandmother or great-grandmother, and not having raised all my children yet, but having fruit in my older girls.  And people are asking me, "What did you do?" 

 

 

A clear light of understanding dawned on my soul—"Oh, I don’t know!  I just trusted the Lord a lot!"

 

 

Oh, Mrs. Grandlinard, I understand now!  

 

 

 

We don’t always know "what worked", and sometimes it’s different for each child!

 

 

But I can look back and see some things that I really believe the Lord helped us to do right–although we certainly had no idea at the time!    And don’t think for a minute that we didn’t also make our share of mistakes!!!

 

 

So I thought I would devote Fridays to share tips–resources, child-training, homeschooling, life…..maybe even a recipe or two now and then!  

 

 

The three areas I want to try my best to cover each Friday are relationships, homeschooling, and practical tips to help the home run smoothly with little ones (and bigger ones!) in the mix.

 

 

 

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know I preach the "3 Rs"—Relationships, Relationships, Relationships!!!!  Specifically, your relationship with God, your spouse (if you have one–if not, God gets a double-portion!), and your children.  If those aren’t in order, it doesn’t matter how good of a job I do on the academic 3 Rs, or if my children make lots of money, or if they are successful according to the world.   If they don’t love Jesus with all their heart, soul, strength and mind and others as themselves, I have failed at the most important "subject" I can teach them. 

 

 

Yes, I know about free will.  Yes, I know I won’t be perfect (I know I have not been, many times!).   But overall, I should have no major regrets that I disobeyed something the Lord was showing me because I needed to "get school done" or "get the laundry done" or "minister to someone".   I am not pointing a condemning finger at anyone who may have children not serving the Lord.  We do the best with the revelation we have at the time.  I’m not talking about those of us, who, however imperfectly, still were trying to teach about the Lord and His ways.

 

 

 But if we choose to focus more on head knowledge than heart-relationship, that will set us up for failure.  I’ve seen too many moms stress over whether their children met the local high school standards for graduation, but they didn’t take time for relationships because they were too busy "doing school".

 

 

I didn’t start homeschooling to have smart kids.  I wanted to homeschool even before we had any children!   And the main reason?  To totally have their hearts and turn them to their Savior.   Anything else was the "all these things" that the Lord Jesus promised "to add unto me" if I sought HIS Kingdom first.

 

In 18 years of homeschooling (and soon to graduate daughter #3!), I have been what many would call "irresponsible" by letting some "schooling" go.  But I’ve also seen, in 18 years of homeschooling, that my children have learned all that is important to know, often without my having to micromanage every step of their education!   Yes, we’ve had seasons where they are not very self-motivated.  I have some that have been more so than others. 

 

 

What about "gaps" you say?  (To which I say, "Phooey!"  The public school has gaps!  I mean, very few, if any, of our local high school grads could milk a goat in less than 5 minutes!!!    )

 

 

 

Here is my antidote to "gapitis"!     It’s the bottom line, and the best homeschooling advice I could give, borne out of my experience (so far!):

 

1. Model and lead them to love the Lord (a living-love relationship with the Bridegroom King!)

 

2. Teach them the basics

 

3. Train them in good (and Godly!) character

 

 

And they will have the basics and the character to learn whatever you miss!  

 

 

There you have it in a nutshell!  

 

 

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Now who needs a laundry tip?!   I will say that my laundry never piled as high as the ceiling–our laundry area was our back porch/entry for years!  So we couldn’t just let it pile up!

 

 

That’s not to say, however, that I always kept it up!

 

 

I would have the girls help me fold, and then as the oldest ones got a little older, I would put them in charge of white/light colored clothes, dark clothes, and towels,   and the younger girls would help fold.  Depending on the season, one of them would usually be inundated!    Then we had these wars where no one wanted to fold someone else’s underwear!       Soooo…..we bought everyone their own nylon mesh lingerie bag.   That didn’t take care of all the problems, but it helped!

 

 

Nine and a half years ago, I was sharing my woes with my dear, sweet husband, and he suggested that everyone old enough have their own laundry day.   He said the 2 oldest girls could help do a younger girl’s, then I would do ours and the baby’s (when she was born).   I think at first I did towels, too.   I didn’t know if it would work, but God was teaching me to listen carefully to the counsel of my steady, very laid-back husband (who doesn’t usually have a syllabus or seminar notes!   ).   So we tried it.

 

Monday was Cassia’s day, with some help (she was 7 at the time). 

Tuesday was Susannah’s (she was almost 9).  

Wednesday was Leah’s, and she also did Anna’s (Leah was almost 12, Anna was 3).

Thursday was Jessica’s, and she also did Bekah’s (Jessica was almost 14, Bekah 1 1/2).

Friday was for me to do mine, towels, etc.

 

 

Of course there was the learning curve!   Jessica and Leah helped me to train the younger girls (Susannah and Cassia at the time).    Believe it or not, for the most part, it started working very well!   

 

As our towel load increased, we added that each of them do a load of towels on their day.  

 

 

Anna has now taken Fridays, and she does Isaiah’s.   Bekah has taken Saturdays, with Charissa doing her own on Tuesdays with Susannah.  Cassia does Noah’s laundry on her day.

 

 

 

It is a bit harder for me to jump in sometimes–especially when some people leave their laundry in and don’t keep it going!

 

 

So although there are a few glitches now and then, this system has worked very well for us for 9 1/2 years!

 

 

There was, however, one particular "sister" who for 7 years could not seem to remember which day was her laundry day….. 

 

 

But just so you will have hope–*smile*–she is now one of the most organized ones in the bunch!!!

 

 

I’ve heard some moms right away say, "Oh, that won’t work!"     Well, I just ask you to consider it and maybe try it for awhile.  Give it 3-6 months for training.   You might be surprised!!!   The younger girls helped all along, but their "serious laundry training" started at about 7 years old.  By 8 they should be able to do it with little supervision!  

 

 

We don’t use anything dangerous on our laundry.   Just good old Arm and Hammer Washing Soda and borax!   We do plan to make the laundry soap with those and the Fehls Naphtha soap that is the all the rage in the homeschooling circle!   We use white vinegar for the rinse.   So nothing with dyes or perfumes or anything seriously toxic.    No bleach!

 

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I would like to share a beautiful resource with you–one of my favorites!  It is out of print, apparently, but available used on Amazon.com! 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Emilie Barnes’ writing style and her practical loveliness, and this book is full of beautiful thoughts and ideas for creating a warm and lovely home atmosphere.

 

 

I hope something here encouraged you this week!

 

 

May you be blessed as you seek to live out your calling as a HelpMeet to your husband, a Co-operator with God in loving and training your children, and a Co-Creator with Him of a home that speaks of welcome, beauty and His love!